


Close

by MissMegara



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Dorks, Innuendo, M/M, Sexual Tension, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-19 09:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4741103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMegara/pseuds/MissMegara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At first they are only training partners. But then they get closer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a little something. It's not much, but it's something ^_^ 
> 
> As always, big thank you to [Fuchsia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuchsia/pseuds/Fuchsia) for still finding the time and nerve to go through all my drivel ^_^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction, consisting of fictional characters living fictional lives.

It was way too early when the doorbell rang for the first time around four o'clock. The party was supposed to start around six. So when Javier opened the front door, it didn't come as a surprise that Yuzuru was standing in front of him. It was Saturday and they all had the weekend off, so of course he would show up too early rather than too late. And he'd probably brought some food or something else to help out with the preparations, although he'd been specifically told that he'd be a guest tonight, just like anybody else. Javier didn't even get the chance to say hello when Nam appeared from behind Yuzuru and squeezed past them into the apartment. "Oh good. Now he's here too. Great," he said monotonously and raised one eyebrow.

"My mother drives me here," Yuzuru grinned apologetically and shrugged his shoulders. "Nam lives close. She says we must be nice and take him."

"Yeah yeah yeah, like always. You just can't help it." Javier waved him in and closed the door behind him. They went to look for Nam, who was already busy exploring the place on his own. "Oh please, don't be shy and just go wherever you want," Javier chided him, and for a second Nam actually looked a bit embarrassed. But Javier just laughed. "It's okay, you can look around. Just keep out of my drawers, will ya?!"

"Yeah, sure." Somehow that didn't sound overly convincing to Javier. "Boy, that is one big-ass place you got here." Nam turned in circles like a dog trying to catch its own tail, his eyes and mouth challenging each other as to which could open wider. "What do you do with all that space?"

"Hey, the King of Cool has earned the right to get a bigger apartment."

Nam burst out laughing and gave him the most condescending look he could manage with his teenage baby-face. "You won an _ice cream eating contest!_ "

"And they gave me a medal saying that I'm Toronto's Number One King of Cool 2013. What's your point?"

"You seriously think that..."

"I think you still want a free of charge Spanish tutor."

"Your majesty!" Nam bowed deeply, pretending to slightly lift the sides of a skirt like any lady would before royalty. "My apologies. A question, if I may." Nam tilted his head and grinned at him. "Can I move in? I dig this place."

"You can get your ass in the kitchen and grab something to eat. I made tapas."

"Even better. I love your tapas."

"Try not to eat them all. I still have other guests coming."

"Sucks to be them. First come, first served." Nam turned to leave, stopped abruptly and then swirled around again. "Where's the kitchen? Do I need a map to find it?"

"Over there, we just walked past it, you dork."

Nam ducked before Javier could grab his neck or ruffle his hair. It had been a while since he'd last allowed anyone to do that. At least without making a bit of a fuss about it. He thought it was high time they stopped treating him like a little kid. He fled to the kitchen as quickly as possible, leaving behind Javier and Yuzuru, who quietly chuckled as he rushed off.

"You're staying the night, aren't you?" Javier asked, glancing at him from the side. Yuzuru raised his eyebrows as well as the small bag he was still holding in his hand. "Good." Javier smiled and took the bag from his hands. "I'll just put that in my bedroom for the time being."

* * * * *

It was bound to happen sooner or later. There were way too many guys present who considered this to be their number one spare time activity, and so at some point Javier's gaming console got switched on and wouldn't be turned off for a very long time. Every once in a while Javier joined them for a round or two. And of course Yuzuru was also never far away whenever there was a game going on. Javier sat on the far left side of the couch, struggling to not kill his avatar again while he made it jump and run and fight against some kind of dinosaur-like monster. They had talked him into playing the wrong kind of game. This really wasn't his strong suit. "Here, you play for me." Javier handed the controller to Yuzuru who was sitting on the armrest right next to him. "At this level you're much better than me." Javier knew that he wouldn't pass on this opportunity to show off.

Yuzuru didn't even blink before he took the controller and resumed the game. Within seconds he was caught up in the action and so focused, he completely forgot about everything around himself. Yuzuru was in the habit of not only playing with his fingers but his whole body, and so he would twitch left and right with every move that the little virtual person on the screen had to perform. It didn't register with him that he kept sliding off the armrest more and more often. Javier observed his wobbling for a little while and already smirked at the thought that Yuzuru would lie flat on the floor any second now. And that it probably still wouldn't stop him from continuing the game. Without a word he finally put one arm around Yuzuru's waist to keep him steady. It was a well-intentioned gesture, but the only effect it had was that Yuzuru started to slide in the other direction until he finally did fall off the armrest and landed right in Javier's lap. Some people started laughing. Some made saucy comments. But Javier took it in stride and laughed along with them, countering every remark that came his way.

He couldn't see the TV anymore and so the game basically turned into background noise. One of the skaters from the Cricket Club sat next to him on the couch, and soon they talked about training schedules and the cute girl that now worked at the juice bar at the gym. Nobody even noticed how Javier's arms ended up wrapped around Yuzuru's waist. How he would sometimes press his face against Yuzuru's shoulder whenever he tried to catch a glimpse of the screen. Yuzuru totally kicked ass at this level, as was to be expected. He grunted and mumbled some Japanese victory noises when he managed to take another hurdle. Javier laughed quietly, gently rubbed Yuzuru's stomach and leaned back again, resuming his conversation with the guy next to him. He startled when suddenly someone patted him on the head. "You need a girlfriend," Nam grinned at him, letting his hand brush over the short hair again before he walked away.


	2. Outland

Yuzuru had been late for training that one morning. Not only a few minutes but by more than half an hour. Like being late at all wasn't unusual enough for him. Normally he'd be at the club way ahead of time to get his warm-up done before they had to be on the ice. When he finally arrived, Javier had been surprised to see that he'd come alone, because up until now his mother had accompanied him to every single training session. But the mystery should soon be solved. "Very sorry. Wrong train," he'd mumbled with an embarrassed smirk and then clumsily told them that his mother had an important appointment and couldn't bring him today. It had only been about two weeks since they'd moved to Toronto and Yuzuru hadn't figured out all the traffic connections yet. Javier had never met anybody with a sense of direction as bad as Yuzuru's. Once he was on the ice, he always knew exactly where he had to go, and learning even the most complicated choreography was a piece of cake for him. But remembering which bus to take or where he had to turn a street corner? No way. As soon as he stepped off the ice, he turned into a confused puppy that could've gone lost on the way to the locker room.

Javier had volunteered to take him home, although he hadn't said it in such direct words. He knew that Yuzuru would be embarrassed beyond all measure if he'd phrased it like that. Although chances were that he wouldn't have understood him anyway. In fact, it took Javier quite a while to explain his intentions – and after they had gone through that whole ordeal, Yuzuru naturally refused his offer. Not without thanking him about a million times and bowing frantically, of course. But somehow Javier managed to convince him that it wasn't an imposition because he had to go in the same direction anyway. Or maybe he didn't convince him and Yuzuru just gave up when Javier wouldn't stop talking to him in that still very thick Spanish accent. Neither of them would ever know the truth about it.

It was raining cats and dogs when they finally made it out of the Club. Javier had brought an umbrella, and once again it took a lot of gesturing and miming to make Yuzuru understand that he didn't mind sharing it. But when Yuzuru still tried to walk out into the pouring rain alone, Javier simply grabbed him by the sleeve and linked their arms before he opened the umbrella. "Sometimes you make it impossible to be nice to you," he grumbled at him. He wasn't even angry but just seriously frustrated. "You know, if you don't like me, you should just tell me. Then I'll stop trying so hard."

Javier sighed and rolled his eyes when Yuzuru started to bow and mutter various apologies, neither of which made all too much sense as far as the English language was concerned. He didn't say anything in return and simply pulled Yuzuru along. While they walked across the parking lot, he could see from the corner of his eye that Yuzuru's head was hanging a little bit lower than it should. Great, now he actually felt bad for making him feel bad. By the time they reached the bus stop, Javier was ready to apologize for snapping at him. He knew exactly that he didn't need to do any of this. He didn't have to play babysitter and he didn't have to worry about the feelings of some kid that now happened to train alongside him. But while all that sounded in fact very logical in his head, it still wouldn't silence the grumbling feeling in his stomach.

Javier startled and nearly dropped the umbrella when Yuzuru's hand suddenly touched his. "I hold," he said tentatively, smiling at him with this look that he always got when he had to say something in English. "I like you."

For a few seconds Javier just blinked at him without reacting. "Um... what?"

Yuzuru opened his mouth to answer him but reconsidered at the last moment. He let his tongue run over his lips and then bit his lower lip. Javier had seen him do this many times before. He always did that when he knew that he had to say something but wasn't sure if he was about to use the right words. Javier knew how he must feel. He'd been in a similar place when he'd moved away from Spain. But he had to make it on his own back then. He hadn't had his mommy around to hold his hand and some translator at the ready to help out when there was a communication problem with his coach. He just had to bite the bullet and talk to people, no matter how much nonsensical rubbish he'd say. He knew that Yuzuru needed to do the same if he ever wanted to get better at this language. And Javier would've helped him. He just had no idea how he could make this kid see that there was no need to feel so insecure around him.

"You say I like not. There," Yuzuru finally said quietly and pointed backwards in the direction of the Cricket Club. "But... I like you." He shyly smiled at him, his gaze drifting off every once in a while. Javier looked at him with narrow eyes and his eyebrows drawn closely together. They both weren't quite sure what to make of the other at this moment. "Okay? You not understand?" Yuzuru asked with yet another soft smile.

Javier couldn't hold back a laugh. Between the two of them, he usually wasn't the one to be asked this question. "No, I think I understand." He finally let go of the umbrella and let Yuzuru hold it alone. "How is your back," he changed the topic seamlessly. "That last fall looked pretty nasty."

"Hurts a little. But okay." Yuzuru rolled his shoulders and squeezed one eye shut. "I fall much today."

"Of course you did. You went way too fast into all your jumps."

Yuzuru pursed his lips and let his eyes wander, processing the words he'd just heard. "Fast is not bad."

"It's called _figure_ skating, not _speed_ skating. It's nice to watch how you throw yourself into every jump. But with that kind of speed, it's no wonder you land half of them on your ass."

Yuzuru didn't have time to answer because right at that moment the bus pulled up in front of them. Javier took the umbrella from him and shooed him into the bus. They sat down on opposite sides of the aisle, their bags parked next to them at the window seat. "You think I must be slow?" Yuzuru burst out before Javier even had the chance to properly sit down. "I want to skate fast."

"You think you get extra points if you finish ahead of your music?"

Yuzuru tapped one finger against the seat in front of him. "I don't like slow."

"No kidding," Javier smirked and tried not to laugh again when he saw how Yuzuru glared at him from the side without actually looking at him. "You're not so good with gray areas, are you?" Yuzuru turned his head, the glaring now replaced by his usual look of average confusion. "There's still a lot of room between _slow_ and _too fast_. You could just try it for once."

"More slow is good for me?"

"You put too much power into your jumps. Especially the quads. You need to control your energy better." Yuzuru stared at him with big eyes, still a questioning look on his face. "But what do I know. I'm not your coach," Javier said with a shrug and looked out the window. "I'm sure Brian knows what to do with you."

Yuzuru was still silently staring at him, the look of puzzlement intensifying rather than weakening. It wasn't the first time he'd heard something along those lines these days. Only then it hadn't come from a fellow student. "Why you help me?"

Javier turned his head and looked at him with his eyebrows raised. "Why shouldn't I? We're training mates now."

"But... I get better, and then I beat you."

Yuzuru couldn't duck away quickly enough when Javier reached over and grabbed him by the neck. "It takes more than one fixed jump to beat me, you little dummy."

 

They kept talking the whole way. Mainly about skating, because that seemed to be what Yuzuru was most comfortable with. Javier was pretty sure that he'd never heard this kid talk so much at once. At least not when he was talking to him. But it sure was a nice change of pace to see him relax a little.

At the next station they had to part ways because Javier needed to go in a different direction. He still accompanied Yuzuru to his track to make sure he'd get into the right train. It would've been a shame if he'd gotten lost, now that he was already so close to home. Yuzuru thanked him again for taking him here and then bowed for the umpteenth time. Javier had stopped counting days ago. The human race would run out of numbers long before this kid would run out of reasons to bow.

Javier let go of his bag and stepped towards Yuzuru, only to watch him back off a bit. "Relax," he said with a slightly condescending smile and opened his arms a tad wider, as if to reassure him that there was nothing threatening about him. "It's just a hug. I won't bite."

Yuzuru nodded and in turn let go of his bag. He felt beyond silly for even flinching in the first place. It's not like he'd never been hugged before. And still, when Javier laid both arms around him and pulled him close, all Yuzuru could bring himself to do was carefully pat his back before he stepped away again. Javier laughed quietly when he felt Yuzuru scurry away, but he made sure to wipe that grin off his face before Yuzuru could even see a hint of it.

"I'll see you tomorrow at training then?"

"Yes. Tomorrow."

"Do you think you'll be on time? Or do you have to find your way alone again?"

"On time," Yuzuru mumbled quietly and grabbed his bag, a faint blush taking over his cheeks. "I'm not alone tomorrow."


	3. Interior

"Are you seriously drinking _beer_?"

Yuzuru swallowed his last sip before he brightly smiled at Javier. "No."

"You know that I can see the bottle in your hand, right?"

"It's just one beer."

"I've seen you get tipsy from only one glass of champagne."

"Oh relax, _mom_."

"That's kind of what I'm worried about. Your mother's going to _kill_ me."

"Don't tell her," Yuzuru whispered while he dramatically put one finger over his lips.

"You're done now." Javier didn't care one bit if this would make him look like an uptight chaperon. His apartment, his party, his rules. He wanted to take the bottle from him, but Yuzuru had zero intention of letting him do that. He kept squirming and giggling while Javier was all over him, trying to reach the bottle in his hand. Neither of them was willing to give in, much to the amusement of all the innocent bystanders who tried not to get in the way of their silly little quarrel. Of course with all the wriggling and arms flying around, it didn't take long until the bottle got turned in the wrong direction. The sticky fluid poured all over Yuzuru's shirt before part of it dripped onto the carpet. Yuzuru finally stopped fidgeting. "Whoopsie," he said squeakily and with an apologetic grin.

"Yeah. _Whoopsie_ ," Javier repeated dryly and took the bottle from Yuzuru. To his surprise it was still half-full, and most of what was missing was probably soaking Yuzuru's shirt. "You didn't actually mean to drink that whole thing, did you?"

With a smirk Yuzuru cast down his eyes and gingerly pulled the wet parts of the fabric away from his chest. "I have clean shirt in my bag. I go change."

Yuzuru walked down the corridor, straight towards the second door to the right. He knew his way around this place. He'd been here often enough already. Some of the furniture was new to him, though. Like the bed that hadn't been delivered yet when Yuzuru had been here the last time. It was bigger than he thought it would be. "Looks nice, doesn't it?" he heard Javier's voice behind himself. Yuzuru hadn't noticed that he'd followed him. "Yes, looks nice," he agreed. "Looks big," he added with a laugh and looked around the room.

Javier half closed the door and grabbed Yuzuru's bag from behind it. "Yeah, well... I'm a little too old for single beds."

"Too old?" Yuzuru took the bag, put it at the foot of the bed and rummaged around in it.

"I like to be prepared. You never know how many people you may have to fit in there."

"How many?" Yuzuru laughed out loud and wiggled his head while he finally pulled out the shirt he'd been looking for. "You plan big bed party?"

"Maybe."

"Then maybe I don't stay tonight?" Yuzuru took off his shirt, crumpled it up and held it closely in front of his face. It smelled like a strange combination of beer, deodorant and himself.

"I thought you wanted to sleep on the couch anyway?"

"Yes, couch is good."

"Then you don't have to worry about any parties in my bed."

"I'll need to have a word with my Spanish teacher." They both turned around and saw Nam standing in the doorway. He was holding half a piece of bread in his hand while still chewing on the other half. " _House-warming party_ seems to translate to something pretty weird in your language."

"Smartass."

"You shouldn't have invited so many minors if you want to turn this into an orgy."

"Special invitation only," Javier grinned and tried to close the door on him, but Nam had already put one foot in the frame. "You're not on the list."

"Lucky me." He pushed the door open again and pointed at Yuzuru who was still standing next to the bed, half naked and with the dirty shirt in his hand. "If that's what's going on in your bedroom, I really don't want to see any more."

"Not yet. But when you're old enough, I could show you some pictures."

Nam nearly choked on that second piece of bread he had just stuffed in his mouth. "Oh God, please spare me. I'm too young and innocent."

Javier laughed and shooed the coughing boy away from the room. 

"You really have special bed party tonight?" Yuzuru threw the dirty shirt over the back of a chair and then unfolded the clean one. "Maybe I don't sleep on couch?" he said with a wink before his head vanished underneath the shirt.

"Ha. Did you think you were invited or what?"

Yuzuru let his hands glide over his chest, slowly and deliberately, straightening the crinkled fabric. He slightly lowered his head, and if Javier didn't know it any better, he could've sworn that Yuzuru batted his eyes in a rather unambiguous way. "You don't want to give me invitation for bed party?"

Javier swallowed hard and then reminded himself to take his next breath. "Is there something wrong with my couch?" It felt like this reply had taken just a moment too long.

"No. Your couch is very comfortable."

"You should know. You've spent enough time on it the last few weeks."

Yuzuru subtly glanced at the bed before his eyes met Javier's again. "We both have."

Javier had some trouble to keep his jaw from dropping all the way down onto the floor. He was certainly able to recognize a suggestive remark when he heard one. He just wasn't used to hearing that kind of thing from Yuzuru. Especially not directed towards himself. But before he could say anything, Yuzuru started laughing. "You must put on helmet for practice. Falling down so much makes your head stupid."

Javier had just opened his mouth to tell him that right now he could see only one idiot in this room, but he got interrupted by the sound of the door bell. It had a rather irritating tone. He hadn't noticed that before. "I'll have to get that. Maybe you should check on Nam. See if he's now traumatized for life or something."

Yuzuru smirked and bit his lower lip. "I think he's fine," he said as he walked past Javier, gently patting his shoulder before he disappeared.


	4. Frontiers

The first time it happened was during Finlandia Trophy. Yuzuru had just started training with them about half a year ago and it was the first time the team went away for a competition together. The only one missing was Yuzuru's mother, who'd come down with the flu shortly before they were supposed to leave. It was almost embarrassing how much convincing it took, but in the end she agreed to stay behind. Yuzuru was in good hands and it wasn't like he had to travel alone. Javier teased him mercilessly about the whole affair and didn't even stop now that they were already on the plane heading for Finland.

"Now you're all alone and away from your mommy for the first time, huh?" Javier tried to pinch his cheek, and while Yuzuru did grin back at him, he still wouldn't allow him to touch his face. "Do you need me to tuck you in at night?"

Yuzuru laughed, although he hadn't actually understood what "tuck you in" was supposed to mean. What didn't escape him was that Javier still had fun at his expense. "Brian can be my mother," he chuckled, hoping that the joke would be appropriate.

"Fat chance, mister," Brian chimed in, not even bothering to open his eyes or turn his head. "Time to stand on your own two feet."

"Don't worry, coach. I'll make sure our baby boy gets to his room safely tonight."

They laughed. And Yuzuru laughed with them. Although he started to feel like exiting the plane before it touched ground again. At first Javier didn't even notice how Yuzuru became more and more quiet. He didn't laugh about his jokes anymore and answered them with little more than a tired smile. And when Javier tried to talk to him about something else a while later, Yuzuru pretended to be asleep. Javier didn't think anything of it. He figured that he was just exhausted and wanted to use the time on the plane to get some rest.

It was around noon when they finally arrived at their hotel. The official training wouldn't start until tomorrow, so they didn't have anything planned for the rest of the day. Brian told them to get some rest but to try not to fall asleep during the day, or otherwise they would risk lying awake all night long. Yuzuru just smiled and nodded no matter who said what to him. Javier was pretty sure that he hadn't completely understood what Brian had tried to tell him. "We'll meet for dinner at six. Did you get that?" he asked him for the second time now, just to be on the safe side.

"Yes. Six. I understand."

"You sure?" Javier grinned at him and held up six fingers in varying combinations. "Six o'clock. Do I have to pick you up or..."

Javier didn't get to finish the sentence because Yuzuru had already turned around and walked away from him. Javier laughed shakily, trying to make it look like at least he thought that his joke was funny. But actually he'd regretted it the moment he'd seen the look on Yuzuru's face. He feared that he might've taken it a bit too far. And he was quite certain about it when Yuzuru didn't show up for dinner after all. It was already late at night when Javier finally decided to check up on him. He was sure it was nothing. Yuzuru was probably just jet-lagged and had fallen asleep. But in the end he found himself standing in front of Yuzuru's door. It took forever until he opened up. It took even longer until Javier had talked his way into the room, because Yuzuru seemed more than just a little reluctant.

"Everything okay?"

"Sure."

"Nobody has seen you since the check-in."

"Sorry."

Javier narrowed his eyes and stared at him while Yuzuru let his gaze wander across the ceiling. "You're sure everything's okay?"

"Yes. Sure."

"Because usually you don't just hide the whole day." He'd barely said the words out loud when he realized that he hadn't the faintest idea if this was unusual for Yuzuru. They hadn't really spent any time together outside of their training. And during that time, every minute was thoroughly planned. They saw each other during on-ice practice, for their dance classes and yoga sessions. But all those things were part of their respective training schedules and not exactly social meetings. "Have you been to the gym downstairs?" Javier finally asked when he realized that they were only silently staring at each other. "The equipment is pretty great."

"I was there."

"When?"

"Before."

"Before what? You could've said something. We could've gone together."

Yuzuru just shrugged with one shoulder. The conversation didn't exactly pick up speed after that but only dragged along even more. Yuzuru's understanding of the English language seemed to be worse than ever. Either that or he was playing dumb on purpose only to annoy Javier. His lackluster answers got reduced to a shrug or a nod or an indefinable twitch of the head and if he said "Maybe" or "You must not" only one more time, Javier might have to slap him across the face. "Do I disturb you or something?" he asked instead, not without a decent amount of scorn lying in his voice.

"No."

"You keep trying to kick me out."

"I don't."

"Yes, you do." Javier rolled his eyes when Yuzuru again shrugged his shoulders and made his head slightly twitch. "Okay. Whatever. I tried. I'll just leave you alone if that's what you want."

Yuzuru chewed on his lower lip and averted his eyes. "I can be alone," he mumbled, shifting from one foot to the other.

"What?"

"I can be alone. I'm not baby."

Javier blinked at him while his mouth opened on its own accord. "Okay. So?"

"I'm not but... you think I look like baby."

" _What?_ "

Yuzuru groaned, rolled his eyes and let his head fall back. "This," he uttered, almost sounding annoyed and letting his arms fly around his body. "I'm not so but... I look like and... I don't because..." All of a sudden he stopped squirming, took a deep breath and looked Javier straight in the eye. "I can be alone. I'm _not_ baby," he said firmly and nodded sharply as if that would give his words more emphasis.

Javier tried. He really very honestly tried to keep the corners of his mouth under control. But in the end he didn't only smirk but even let out a little grunt that simply couldn't be misunderstood. Within a second all signs of confidence vanished from Yuzuru's face. He let his head drop and looked like he was about to cry. Geez, this kid. "Wanna watch some TV?" Javier asked, and when Yuzuru lifted his head, he could've easily won the first price for the most irritated look ever. "I can't sleep. And I'm bored. And watching TV alone is still boring, so..." He didn't even wait for an answer but just grabbed the remote control and jumped onto the bed. He hadn't thought it possible but Yuzuru now managed to look even more confused. "Do you want to stand there all night?"

Yuzuru still hesitated but eventually he sat down next to Javier, leaning against the headboard just as he did. "I don't watch TV. Only at home," he mumbled, almost pouting. "I don't understand."

"What's there to understand?" Javier asked and pointed at the cartoons on the screen. 

Yuzuru raised his eyebrows and again didn't answer. For a while they just sat there next to each other, quietly staring at the TV. From time to time the silence was interrupted by a chuckle. Usually it came from both of them almost simultaneously. It turned out that it would've been quite useful to understand some Finnish, because those silly pictures alone didn't make a whole lot of sense. The holes in the story got bigger and bigger, and soon they were completely lost as far as any plot line was concerned. Javier carefully elbowed Yuzuru without taking his eyes off the TV. "Being alone doesn't make you an adult. We can spend time together if you want." Javier didn't get an answer but he could hear Yuzuru grinding his teeth. He looked over to him in hopes that a silent stare might do the trick. But no such luck. "Do you understand me?" he asked bluntly, nudging him again to make sure he'd get an answer this time. 

"Yes, I understand." He obviously tried to feign annoyance. But to Javier it still sounded like relief when he added, "Gym tomorrow?" 

"We've got a date." Javier chuckled when this earned him yet another confused look from Yuzuru. He sure had a lot of those in his repertoire. "Okay. Gym tomorrow."

They kept watching the movie, although neither of them had even the slightest idea what it was about. There were some children with funny hair colors and some talking insects, and that other thing was either a robot or an alien or both, and all in all they really didn't get any of it. Over time it got rather tedious to watch. Javier didn't even notice how he slumped down more and more. "I should probably go back to my room," he mumbled already half asleep and with absolutely no intention to move even a finger, let alone stand up and walk anywhere.

"No. Stay," Yuzuru mumbled back, but Javier already didn't hear him anymore. 

 

When Javier woke up in the middle of the night, the TV was still running. It showed a movie that was definitely not suitable for any other time of day. All those exaggerated _Aahhs_ and _Oohhs_ were probably what had caused him to wake up in the first place. Javier still had the remote control in his hand, so he turned off the irritating picture. It's not like he hadn't noticed it before, but it had taken him until now to fully realize that he wasn't alone in this bed. And only now did he remember that this wasn't even his bed. Yuzuru was lying closely next to him, curled up in a tiny ball that was all arms and legs. Speaking of arms, one of Javier's was missing. Or rather, it had gotten buried under the tiny ball. Yuzuru's face was pressed against Javier's shoulder, and somehow he'd managed to wrap himself around Javier's arm. Maybe the weird sex noises had not been the reason he'd woken up, because he started to realize that his arm had completely fallen asleep. Hardly a surprise when there's a Japanese teenager lying on top of it for long enough.

Javier didn't want to wake him, but keeping all his limbs intact was kind of an important requirement for an elite skater, so he pulled his arm back as carefully as possible. Yuzuru sighed quietly but didn't wake up. Javier lifted his arm and shook it vigorously, trying to get rid of that dreadful tingling sensation that threatened to spread over other parts of his body. The whole shaking and cursing under his breath finally managed to wake up Yuzuru after all. He rubbed his face, looked at Javier with tired eyes and mumbled something in Japanese. Javier was just about to reply when Yuzuru wrapped one arm around his waist and snuggled up to him, instantly going back to sleep. _That_ he had _not_ seen coming. Javier was still holding up his arm while staring down at his chest, where Yuzuru's head seemed comfortably rested. This should probably be weird. But the weirdest thing about it was that Javier didn't feel weird at all. He put his arm back down and laid it around Yuzuru's shoulders, and then he closed his eyes and went back to sleep as well.

 

Javier got unpleasantly ripped out of his dreams by an infuriatingly shrill noise, piercing his ear like a spiteful pincushion. He was just about to look for the source of this instrument of torture when the noise stopped on its own. He looked to the side and saw Yuzuru sitting on the edge of the bed, fiddling with the alarm clock to make sure it stayed quiet. Javier stretched and yawned and then pulled on the back of Yuzuru's shirt. "What time is it?" Yuzuru didn't turn around but only held the clock to the side so Javier could catch a glimpse. "Oh for fuck's sake," he moaned and sat up. "Seven in the morning? Are you for real?"

Suddenly Yuzuru jumped up from the bed, turned around and bowed down to an angle that would make any other person fall flat on their face. "I'm sorry," he stammered, still so far bent down, Javier wondered if he was trying to make his nose touch his knees.

"It's okay. At some point I have to get up anyway."

"No, I mean..." Yuzuru slowly straightened himself, but his gaze was still more fixed on the pillow than on Javier when he nodded in the direction of the bed.

"What? Last night?" Javier had never seen a head drop back down this fast. "We fell asleep. There's nothing to be sorry about." He was pretty sure that he could actually hear how Yuzuru had stopped breathing. "Why did you set your alarm so early? We're supposed to meet up for breakfast around nine."

Yuzuru still seemed reluctant to really look at Javier. "I run," he almost whispered.

"You what?"

"I run. Before breakfast."

"You got to be kidding me." Javier rubbed his face again, although he still felt more like rubbing his ears. "You get up before sunrise to go _jogging_?"

Yuzuru tilted his head and stared out the window, where the sun had of course already very much risen. "Before... sunrise?" he asked with a look that Javier knew very well by now. This was his "I'm pretty sure I know what the word means but I could be wrong" face.

"I just wanted to say that its really, really, _really_ early. Especially to _go jogging_." Javier stood up and stretched himself once again. "Okay. Whatever. Maybe I'll join you." It was quite amazing how fast Yuzuru's face could switch between those various versions of confusion. It was even more astonishing that he seemed to have a specific expression for every single state of irritation. It didn't make it any easier to read him, but it was truly fascinating. "I'll just quickly go to my room and change into some training clothes. Meet me in the lobby in 20 minutes?"

Yuzuru hesitated. And even though he was the master of indefinable facial expressions, right now his body language just screamed out that he still felt uneasy about what had happened the night before. He didn't look any less puzzled when Javier didn't leave but instead walked over and gave him a big hug. It took a moment until Yuzuru lifted his arms and in turn carefully placed his hands on Javier's waist. Luckily he didn't see the smirk on Javier's face.

"Alright." Javier stepped back and put one hand on Yuzuru's neck, stroking it lightly. "20 minutes?"

Yuzuru nodded. "20 minutes," he agreed with a smile.


	5. Void

"You have many visitors tonight," Yuzuru said as he entered the kitchen. He was carrying some glasses and plates and put them down next to the sink, where Javier was still busy doing the dishes.

"I have what?" Javier glanced through the doorway into the living room from where Yuzuru had just come. There wasn't one free spot on the couch or on either one of the chairs. Some of his friends would probably regret this in the morning. How could human beings even sleep while imitating a pretzel? Over the course of the evening several people had asked him if they could stay the night, even though they hadn't originally planned to. He should learn how to be more careful with the phrase "no problem". And he should learn how to count. Great, now he had a bunch of unscheduled overnight guests who were probably drunk of their asses. "I swear, if only one of them throws up..." he groaned and went back to the sink where Yuzuru had continued to scrub the dirty plates.

His guests were long gone by now – not counting the hangover crew in the living room – and the two of them tried to straighten up a bit. Yuzuru had actually been the one to start cleaning while the others were still laughing and chatting in the adjacent rooms. He knew that Javier liked his place better when it was neat and tidy. But right now Javier couldn't have cared less about this whole mess. He dried the last plate that Yuzuru had just handed him and put it into the cupboard. "Enough," he sighed and threw the towel aside. He leaned against the door frame, again inspecting that heap of human body parts that piled up on the sofa. "Remind me not to invite them next time." Yuzuru only laughed silently and stepped next to him. "We should probably get some sleep too." Yuzuru drew a breath and pointed forward into the room, but Javier already rolled his eyes and didn't give him a chance to speak. "The couch is full. You want to sleep on the carpet?" Yuzuru hummed a quite sound and shook his head, smiling meekly. But then he raised his eyebrows and his lips formed into something that was a lot less timid. He quickly leaned to the side when Javier tried to hit him in the arm. "Shut up."

"I don't say anything."

"Just shut up," Javier laughed and grabbed him by the neck. Yuzuru didn't try to escape him anymore, and slowly both their laughter turned into a smile. Javier's hand dropped between Yuzuru's shoulders, from where it slid down to the small of his back. "We haven't done this in a while, huh?"

"What? Sleeping?" Yuzuru smirked. "I sleep last night. And night before. And night be..."

"Funny, really funny," Javier interrupted him and pulled back his hand. "And just so you know: the couch doesn't count."

Yuzuru glanced at him through narrow eyes. "It doesn't?"

It had taken almost a month until the move to this apartment had finally been completed. And Yuzuru had been here to help him more times than he could count. Between training and all their other appointments, they both were pretty busy most of the time. But Yuzuru would always find time for Javier. If there was any chance at all that he could make it, then he'd come over and give him a hand, usually sometime in the evening or at night. He helped him sort all his stuff or put up some furniture. Or he just came over to bring some takeout because he knew that with all this stress Javier sometimes simply forgot about eating anything at all. Quite often Yuzuru would then stay the night. Javier's new bed hadn't been delivered yet and he had to make do with the couch. So when Yuzuru stayed over, they shared the little sleeping space that was available. Only the couch wasn't big enough to fit both of them, or rather, it wasn't long enough. They would always lie in the opposite direction, their heads placed on one armrest each, their legs entangled and all over each other.

But that was hardly comparable to many of those other nights they had spent together. It had happened more than just once or twice. They had become so close over the last year, even though it had happened very slowly and in the most curious way. But then they hadn't seen much of each other during off-season, and it was already late into the summer when they finally met again in Toronto to resume their training. Something was different about Yuzuru. At first they only saw each other during practice because Yuzuru would dodge all other invitations. Or he'd simply not show up although he'd agreed to come when Javier and some other skaters met up in their free time. Javier was not about to make this easy for him. He'd invested too much time into this kid to just let him revert to some lonesome couch potato. And at some point Yuzuru stopped avoiding him and didn't automatically say _no_ whenever Javier wanted to meet him. And when Javier became busy with the move to his new apartment, Yuzuru was the one who'd come over on his own all the time, mostly unannounced because he knew that Javier was always happy to see him. And still there was this little voice in Javier's head, telling him that something was going on with his friend. He just never found the right moment to ask him about it.

"I can go home," Yuzuru suggested practically from out of nowhere. "It's not far. I can call taxi."

"Oh shut up." Javier had no interest in continuing a conversation that had only one possible outcome. "You know that I don't mind."

Yuzuru smiled faintly and nodded. Of course he knew.


	6. Habitat

Suddenly it was already November. Their first season together seemed to pass faster than all the others they had lived through before. They were both scheduled to compete at NHK this year, and Javier was actually glad to have Yuzuru around for this event. Or rather the other way around. He was glad to tag along and be able to observe this slightly different Yuzuru. The one who off-ice almost became another person once he was surrounded by people who spoke more Japanese than English. Javier had never paid all that much attention to this fact. He knew that Yuzuru had major problems communicating in English, but he'd never realized how much it actually hindered him. How this constant fear of embarrassing himself seemed to keep him from opening up and completely showing who he really was. It was good to see him loosen up like this when he was around people he could actually talk to. And talk he did. With everyone who did or did not want to hear from him. He was quite the popular guy around here. Most of the time he was caught in crowds of people, begging for his attention. Javier had never seen him handle the press with quite as much confidence as he did now. It was like he'd never done anything else in his life. And it really was a joy to watch him hang out with his countryman, to see him just be the silly teenager that he still was in his heart. There were so many barriers they still needed to overcome, language being one of the big ones. But with time this boy had turned out to be more than just another useful training mate. And seeing Yuzuru brighten up like this, Javier felt like he himself could catch a bit of his shine as well.

But the light had barely come out when it already threatened to fade again. On the morning of the first official practice Yuzuru had a minor meltdown. He popped practically every other jump, landed literally every single one of his quad attempts on his tiny buttocks and messed up his combinations like Javier had never seen him do before. Being the stubborn idiot that he was, Yuzuru kept going, tried every jump again and again, even after falling on them repeatedly. Brian tried to slow him down, told him that he shouldn't exhaust himself, that there was still a competition to think about. But Yuzuru didn't listen and kept trying until everyone could see that he'd fall even before his blades had ever left the ice. Brian was still yelling at him and looked like he was ready to run across the ice, throw him over his shoulder and just carry him away. But Javier was faster. He took Yuzuru by the arm and dragged him along to the other side of the rink, away from their coach and the rest of the team.

"If you keep this up, you're gonna hurt yourself."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're stupid. I'm gonna kick your ass in this competition, but I don't want to beat you because you broke your neck in practice."

Yuzuru shook off Javier's hand and then took off without another word. Javier didn't try again, and Yuzuru left practice early after that. Javier didn't even see him again in the changing room because he'd gone straight back to the hotel. They had agreed to have dinner together that night, but when Yuzuru was still a no-show, Javier went up to his room. At first Yuzuru didn't answer his knock, but Javier knew that he was in there. He tried everything to make him open up the door, from being friendly and understanding to threatening that he'd go fetch his mother. Finally he heard the lock click.

Getting in the door was one thing, but Javier still had no idea what was going on. He tried to give him a pep talk, but Yuzuru looked like he either didn't want to hear it or didn't understand. The latter was always a possibility. And whenever he just nodded, smiled and answered with nothing but grunts, Javier was almost certain that Yuzuru didn't get a word of what he was saying. He sat down on the bed right next to Yuzuru and lightly nudged him with his elbow. "What's the matter, huh? Something's going on with you."

Yuzuru shrugged and started to slightly rock back and forth. "I not feel good."

"So you did hurt yourself during practice. Did you at least see a doctor?"

"No, I not hurt." Yuzuru had stopped moving. He was leaning forward, his head hanging low and his hands squeezed in between his knees. "I just not feel good."

"Want to talk about it?"

Yuzuru didn't answer, didn't move or react in any other way. Javier wasn't sure if it had been stupid to ask him about it in the first place. If Yuzuru wanted him to know about anything, he would've told him already. Or maybe it was the old problem. Maybe he didn't know how to express it, and now he opted for his usual last resort: hiding. Just closing himself off and going to a place where he was alone with his thoughts and worries. Javier didn't like it when he did that. He wanted to help, but he wasn't sure if there was anything he could actually do for him at this moment. There was just one thing that he could think of. When Javier laid his arm around Yuzuru's shoulders, that slender body next to him almost instantly relaxed and leaned against him. He gently stroked his arm and pulled him a little closer, felt the warmth of Yuzuru's breath as he laid his head on his shoulder.

"They always want from me," Yuzuru whispered. "Everybody always want from me." Javier felt like he was now actually holding him because Yuzuru's body seemed to get heavier and heavier in his arms. "I'm so tired."

"You have trouble sleeping again?" Yuzuru had told him about that in a quiet moment. After what had happened in Finland, things had been different between them. It still wasn't easy, and it's not like they'd become best friends from one day to the next. But they did spend much more time together than they used to before. Not only during practice but also away from the rinks and gyms and training grounds. It was like Yuzuru suddenly trusted him. Maybe even more than Brian or any of the other coaches he had specifically chosen for himself. Certainly more than any of the other skaters at the club. And in a very strange way Javier enjoyed that. He knew that they were supposed to be rivals. But off-ice they just weren't. He felt this inexplicable need to take care of him, to protect him. Just like he did right now. He could see that Yuzuru was exhausted, both his body and his mind. He knew that this tiny person next to him was much stronger than he appeared. But maybe alone he wasn't quite as strong as everybody wanted to believe. "You want me to stay?"

"No, you must sleep," he mumbled and sat up straight again, making Javier take his arm away from his shoulders. "We have competition tomorrow."

"It's not a problem." Yuzuru bit his lower lip and shook his head again. But Javier could tell that he didn't really want to say _no_ to him. "Just for a little while." Yuzuru was already shaking his head again, but Javier hadn't actually asked a question for him to answer. He lay down on the bed, pulled Yuzuru along with him and wrapped both arms around him.

Yuzuru looked up at him, his eyes filled with both gratitude and uncertainty. "You must not stay," he tried to protest one last time, but at the same moment his hand already clutched the side of Javier's shirt.

Javier didn't answer anymore. He just smiled, stroked Yuzuru's hair and kissed him on the forehead before he made him lay back down. He stayed until he was certain that Yuzuru had fallen asleep. He carefully loosened Yuzuru's arm from around his body and covered him with a blanket before he went back to his own room. He did need some sleep as well. He still had a competition tomorrow.


	7. Sanctuary

Javier took the towel he'd just thrown next to the sink and hung it up properly. They turned off all the lights and then went down the corridor one after the other. Javier disappeared into the bathroom while Yuzuru went to get his bag. They had done this often enough. They had a routine and knew each other's timing. And as always Javier would be the first one in bed, knowing that Yuzuru wouldn't be far behind him. When he finally entered the bedroom, Javier had to hold back a laugh. Yuzuru was only wearing the black T-Shirt he'd put on before. Not that Javier had expected anything else, because he was more than used to Yuzuru's usual sleep attire. And Javier didn't mind that. Only Yuzuru's shirt was rather tiny and pretty short, allowing Javier to see that he was wearing those tight, neon-colored briefs with the sparkling manga characters.

"What's so funny?"

He hadn't laughed. He really hadn't. But how on earth could he not have smirked at that sight? "It's nothing." He watched Yuzuru turn off the overhead light and walk across the room, still a questioning look in his eyes. He crawled into bed next to Javier. But he kept his distance. So much that he ended up lying at the very edge of the mattress. "Now you're just being silly," Javier said, reached over and pushed him against the shoulder so hard, he almost made him fall over the side. Yuzuru giggled and clutched at the blanket. But then he scooched over a bit, his fingers still playing with the bedlinen. He squeezed one eye shut and lightly shrugged his shoulder. Javier was still looking at him. He was smiling. They both were. And when Javier finally lay down on his back and lifted one arm, Yuzuru moved closely next to him, put one arm around his waist and snuggled his face into Javier's chest. 

Javier laughed quietly as he laid one arm around Yuzuru's shoulders. He turned off the bedside lamp, letting the whole room sink into impervious blackness. "I kinda missed this." The warmth of the body next to him suddenly became sensible. Like he could feel him much more, now that he could see less of him. "We haven't done this in forever," he mumbled to himself. "I wonder why." Yuzuru didn't answer but only lightly shrugged his shoulder again. Javier playfully ruffled his hair. "I guess you just don't need me anymore," he said in a way that was meant to be teasingly and funny, but instead it made Yuzuru's whole body tense up. He still didn't reply anything. But Javier could feel how his breathing had come almost to a halt, how his fingers now moved hesitantly, stroking lightly over Javier's chest. But not in a familiar way.

Yuzuru's hand started to wander, moved up to rub over Javier's pecs, his thumb occasionally grazing his nipples like it wasn't even intentional. "Yuzu..." he whispered, unable to figure out how to finish this sentence. He knew that he should say something. Do something. But he found it impossible to move, let alone react. That small hand kept roaming over his chest, and then a slender leg wandered above his own, and before he knew it, Yuzuru was somehow on top of him. Javier's hands ended up lying on Yuzuru's thighs, grabbing them firmly but otherwise staying completely motionless. He stared into the dark, tried to make out any part of Yuzuru's face. But all he could see were black shadows. One of Yuzuru's hands now curled around Javier's shoulder while the other one found its way onto his cheek. Javier sensed Yuzuru's breath against his skin, and not a moment later their lips touched.

Yuzuru's kiss was cautious. Tentative. Almost as if he were scared of each and every contact. And still it was somehow tender and sweet, and Javier couldn't shake the feeling that he'd never been kissed like this before. He wondered if he should stop him. But then he realized that he was already kissing him back. Yuzuru nipped his lower lip and let the tip of his tongue slide along the inside. Javier obliged him, parted his lips, allowing their tongues to slowly meet. At the first touch he could feel a shiver run through Yuzuru's body. He kept swirling his tongue around Javier's, caught it between his lips and lightly sucked on it. Every move he made still seemed wary, yet he didn't stop. And Javier didn't make him. Yuzuru got bolder and deepened the kiss. Javier adapted to his every move, kissed him back hard and strong whenever Yuzuru demanded it, giving him what he seemed to want without asking anything in return. Their kiss lingered in a space in between, sometimes bordering on hot and sensual, and sometimes so very gentle and attentive. Yuzuru's hands hadn't moved an inch, and neither had Javier's. All they did was kiss, make their lips and tongues touch in every way imaginable while quiet, perpetual gasps echoed through the empty space surrounding them. 

But then, little by little, all signs of avidness gradually faded away. Their mouths wouldn't open so freely anymore and their kiss slowed down to a mere touching of lips. Lips that still felt strangely familiar and yet tasted of something they didn't know. Somehow they both knew which touch would be the last, and after one more gentle kiss, Yuzuru finally sat up again. The room was still covered in darkness, and all they had to go by was what they sensed from one another. Javier didn't move when he felt Yuzuru's fingers glide over his arms and wrists, finally resting on top of his hands which were still lying on Yuzuru's thighs.

They had never been so thankful for being engulfed by pure blackness, because they both needed a moment to clear their heads. Javier carefully freed his left hand and reached for the nightstand. They both squinted as soon as Javier hit the switch of the bedside lamp. Javier looked up at him, still narrowing his eyes because they weren't used to the change of light yet. Yuzuru looked like his mind was light-years away from this place. Javier softly squeezed his hand, trying to regain his attention. But all he achieved was to make him startle and blink rapidly. Yuzuru realized that he was still kneeling over Javier's lap and clinging to one of his hands. Hastily he let go of him and slid to the side, moving at a safe distance before he sat down cross-legged. Javier sat up and tried to meet his eyes, but Yuzuru's gaze was firmly fixed on the blanket.

"What was that?" Javier finally asked quietly.

Yuzuru raised his eyebrows, still not looking at him and pushing his jaw so far forward, it looked like he might dislocate it any second now. "Kiss..." he whispered, unsure if that was supposed to be a question or a statement.

"Yeah, I would definitely call that a kiss," Javier replied as if he'd known that a clarification was in order. "But this is... not what we do. So... why?"

Yuzuru tried to look at him. But every time their eyes met, he quickly averted his gaze. "You kiss back," he mumbled almost sulkily.

"Yeah but you kissed me first, so... you answer first." Javier mentally slapped himself. That reaction was about as mature as fighting over the last Christmas cookie. And the whole question was stupid anyway. How many reasons were there for Yuzuru to kiss him like that?

"We hug a lot," Yuzuru suddenly whispered, quietly jolting Javier out of his thoughts.

"Um... yes, I suppose we do."

"And we... sleep together."

Javier wasn't sure if Yuzuru knew what that phrase actually meant, but he wouldn't choose this moment to quibble over semantics. "I guess."

"And sometimes..." Yuzuru kept pulling at the hem of his shirt, trying to keep it pulled down as far as possible. "...sometimes you kiss."

Javier wondered if there were already billows of smoke forming over his head, announcing that his brain was working on overdrive. Was this his doing? Could he really have been so stupid? He realized that Yuzuru was finally looking him in the face. Apparently it was now his turn to say something. He was tempted to take the bedside lamp and throw it out the window, if only to escape into the darkness again. "Yes, we do all that but... never like _this_." Javier swallowed and licked his lips, then regretted the move because he feared it might once again be seen as something that it wasn't meant to be. Javier closed his eyes and slowly took a deep breath.

"You didn't like that?"

Javier's eyes shot open again. The answer to that question was far more complicated than it should be. Because this had hardly been the worst kiss he'd ever gotten. But still, it also hadn't been like any other kiss he'd ever kissed.

"You didn't... _want_ that?" Yuzuru continued before Javier could come up with a reply that wouldn't sound blatantly evasive.

"I'm so sorry Yuzu. If I had..."

"Sorry? This is wrong?"

"No, it's not, it's just... if I had known that you have feelings for me then..."

"You don't have feelings for me?"

Those interruptions really didn't help one bit. "Sure but... but no, not like that. I'm sorry."

Yuzuru was still pulling at his shirt, his gaze once again fixed on the bedsheet. "I thought you want that from me," he mumbled, his tone of voice being somewhere between rueful and mortified.

Javier felt the deepest urge to apologize again, but even to his ears it started to sound repetitive and insincere. "I like you a lot, Yuzu, really, I do, but... just as my friend and not..."

"I have other friends," he interrupted him yet again. "But they don't hug so much. And they don't sleep with me."

At some point they really needed to talk about that phrase. But right now Javier's brain seemed to have run out of words completely, because he didn't know what more he could possibly say to him. "I'm... I'm really sorry."

Yuzuru curled his lips into a weird shape as he finally raised his eyes again. "I never kiss boy before."

"Well you kissed _someone_ before because that was..." Why on earth had he even started that sentence?

"That was good?"

The look Yuzuru suddenly darted at him confused the hell out of Javier. There was an air of excitement in Yuzuru's eyes that Javier wasn't sure he wanted to cause. "That was... unexpected."

"It was bad?"

"I wouldn't say _bad_ but..."

"It was really weird."

Javier could actually feel how his face lost the ability to maintain an expression. "It was... yeah, a little weird."

"I thought you want that. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"I didn't really want that."

"It's totally o... huh?" Javier was pretty sure that he'd heard him right, but he was just as sure that he couldn't follow him anymore. This must've been some kind of defense mechanism. "You don't have to be embarrassed about this," he said calmly and with a smile, trying to ease his obviously confused mind. "I don't share your feelings but..."

"I think I don't feel like that for you."

Javier was more than certain that there was a big fat _WTF_ painted right across his face. "Then why did you kiss me?"

Yuzuru slumped down and dropped his shoulders, foregoing all that strenuous body tension he'd been clinging to so far. "Because I thought you want that. I thought you think we're like... boyfriends." Javier didn't know how to react to that revelation, but before his brain could catch up, his body had already decided that a chuckle would be the most appropriate reply. He apologetically raised his hands as he tried to get his face under control again, because Yuzuru didn't look like he'd meant this as a joke. "What? It's not so funny. You hug very much, and you always sleep with me."

"I don't _sleep with you_ ," Javier finally blurted out, unable to keep quiet about it any longer. "I sleep _next to_ you. And not _always_ , just _sometimes_."

Yuzuru again squeezed one eye shut and scratched the back of his head. "There is difference?" he asked with that look of honest cluelessness that Javier knew so well.

"Yeah. Big difference. If you tell people that I sleep with you, they will automatically think that we have sex."

Yuzuru started to giggle, not quite believing his words. "But you _sleep with me_ in same bed all the time."

"Just trust me on this one, okay?"

Yuzuru nodded, still laughing quietly and biting his lower lip. He shrugged one shoulder while his fingers awkwardly played with the corner of the blanket. They could both feel the other one look in a different direction, trying to ignore the sudden silence that was hanging over them. And they both failed miserably. "Maybe I sleep not here. I can go home." He was already about to slide off the bed when Javier looked towards him again.

"Do you want to go home?"

"I don't know, it's... it's a little weird now."

"We're always a little weird."

"True."

The both laughed. And when their eyes finally met again, it actually didn't feel all that much different than before. "It's a big bed," Javier said with a reassuring smile. "You can just stay on your side over there."

Yuzuru nodded silently before he lay back down. Javier turned around to turn off the bedside lamp, and the moment he hit the switch, he heard Yuzuru draw a quick breath. "I still need you," he said in a much louder voice than he'd intended. "Not like... boyfriend. But I need you."

Javier didn't give him an answer because he knew that Yuzuru didn't need to hear one. He just lay back down as well, staring into the safe darkness that had once again covered them wholly. But still he could feel Yuzuru's stare on himself.

"Javi?" he then whispered quietly – and Javier could already hear the perky smirk on his lips. "But I kiss _good_ , yes?"

They both chuckled as Javier's hand flew through the darkness and hit Yuzuru flat against the chest. "Just shut up and go to sleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it ^_^ as always, thank you all so much for reading, commenting and leaving kudos.


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